| Sunday, March 30th, 2008 |
| 5:13 pm |
i honestly don't know if i can do this. i know everyone else has and they say i can but i just can't shake this. i also know that people go through ten times worse things then this, but this is my worst so far and so it is hard to compare it to things that i don't know or understand. i get better for a couple hours and then i'm back where i started and my mom says that at least i am not at square one but i still feel that way. i won't call him which i know is good but it's hard because i want too so bad.i know everyone thinks there is someone better but i wanted him and i was happy with him. and no matter what excuse people give me i can't be mad and i can't hate him and really want to. and every excuse can't make up for the fact that it was probably just me. everyone says i'm difficult and that not everyone can deal with me and the one person i thought could just didn't want to. i know the wonderful things in my life: my family and my friends and i have house and a nice car but it doesn't take this away. i want my entire life to just disappear and let me forget and start a new one. and i am taking steps, i'll go back to college in the summer and then maybe i can get a new job because i can't even stand to be there. i want to leave phoenix but i can't because the housing market is so bad that i would be an idiot to try to sell my house. no sane young adult really wants to go back and live with their parents but i do because the support system there is so much better and then maybe i would finally get past this. |
| Sunday, March 9th, 2008 |
| 12:35 pm |
supposedly he is engaged. and is going to adopt her daughters and they are going to move to north carolina. i honestly don't know what to say |
| Sunday, February 3rd, 2008 |
| 1:29 am |
i don't know what to do it hurts so bad. Current Mood: hurt |
| Monday, September 3rd, 2007 |
| 10:07 pm |
you know what i enjoy so much...being ignored. it must be the highlight of my life. |
| Wednesday, April 4th, 2007 |
| 12:13 am |
hehe....there was a deborah kepley in playboy in 1978 lol i just find it funny |
| Thursday, November 23rd, 2006 |
| 6:34 am |
happy thanksgiving. i might not get to call anyone till late because i don't know what time i am going to get off work but i will be thinking of everyone. |
| Saturday, November 4th, 2006 |
| 7:22 pm |
dana is pregnant. let's hope it is a girl and let's hope a couple other things. at least my sister is a really good mom |
| Friday, October 27th, 2006 |
| 11:01 pm |
1080 florentine cups 1080 scoops of sorbet 1080 scoops of ice cream 1080 sugar cups 1500 fruit tarts 300 chocolate mousse filled white chocolate swans 1080 plated up lava cakes 200 mexican chocolate tarts, pecan tarts and margarita tarts 400 or so cheesecakes countless numbers of cookies brownies and blondies such was my busy busy overtime filled week |
| Thursday, July 20th, 2006 |
| 6:10 pm |
Just kidding
So I got this postcard from Marriott that said hey we don't have a postion for you. That's fine i don't care I'll find another position, I don't need you people. But then the guy called me and told me no you totally got the job and you need to be here the fifth as in the fifth of august as in two weeks. So I need to get all my stuff and Casey's stuff and move him and me across country and give our jobs notice that we are leaving. I also have to worry that Casey's mom might flood us with tears and possibly anger at us leaving. And then getting to phx and moving in and getting all my paper work done so that i can officially start. I am the teeniest bit overwhelmed right now but I think it will be ok. It'll be good right? Little nervewracking for me and for Casey and a little scary because you know it is also this super big gigantic step for me and him. lol i'll stop for now. |
| Sunday, May 21st, 2006 |
| 5:45 pm |
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| Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 |
| 10:28 am |
so finally it is my finals. one i have to get a 71 on, the other consists of three limericks, three toasts and three awards. I'm only working 24 hours this week which is going to mean a not good check but hopefully a fabulous weekend. my parents are going to be here in about four days and i am so super excited i can't even express it correctly. as well as stephanie's presents will be here and i am intrigued by the one that i don't know what it is. i get to spend the weekend with three of my favorite people though i am still missing some terribly important ones, but all in all graduation should be painless, i get to eat lunch and breakfast out and i have a feeling there is going to be a hell of a lot of laughing and that is the most fabulous thing ever. |
| Monday, May 8th, 2006 |
| 3:36 pm |
oh my
1 giant science project 3 or so speeches to go 4 finals 7 days of school 12 more days until I am a college graduate 12 more days until I have to be a real adult I don't have a reaction right now |
| Saturday, March 18th, 2006 |
| 4:23 pm |
yes!!!!! i finally have aquired a job and though it may not be in my field at least it isn't fast food and i get a 40% discount hell yea!!!!!!! i'm so happy...maybe things will start getting better |
| Tuesday, February 21st, 2006 |
| 6:34 am |
only because i don't do it enough, and i think i'm doing a little better....
good is listening to stephanie on the phone for 30 minutes not actually talking but yelling at mom and going hey i'm sorry and me singing at the same time good is my mother more or less giving me permission to have premarrital sex because you shouldn't marry someone who isn't good in bed my friends, every last damn fucking one that i care about and would give anything no matter what rice, fried chicken and gravy driving around tucson at three o clock in the morning simply because i like to wander visiting friends who you haven't seen in forever my bed my house at three in the morning with everyone there park mall on sunday afternoons love affection sweatshirts sitting in the park with i don't care who and talking about things like middle school or i suppose high school at this point the fact that we were so cool in middle school even though we were only 13 lol well at least me and steph nevermind...i got upset...we are going to leave it at this |
| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 |
| 6:30 am |
happy valentine's...the chances that the majoriy of you will be recieving a call even though my throat is trying to close on me is very good: focusing on tomorrow. |
| Sunday, February 12th, 2006 |
| 8:45 pm |
fantabulous weekend
so i had a really good time this weekend, i got to see kate and lizzie and hang out with their friends. We did tons of stuff which resulted in cold feet and what feels like shin splits. it made me so happy and made me miss my friends so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it is ok cause i loved it. i would extol all the things of the weekend but hey look down and read kate's post cause i think she covered everything. Thank you so much for letting me have such a wonderful weekend my Kate! |
| Sunday, February 5th, 2006 |
| 12:32 pm |
You know last night was kinda fun, not like basketball wonderful kinda fun but still fun. I played jungle pong kinda like beer pong only we didn't have beer. I'm actually in a couple of pictures which we all know is not an over-occuring thing. I made sarah happy, my sarah here, because i was a little over tipsy. We made the funniest punch ever and my hands are now stained red. ok lol i don't think anyone cares too much but it was kinda fun. |
| Sunday, January 15th, 2006 |
| 10:11 pm |
Everything in life is circumstance, perception and interpretation. Also from Tomas: remember that something good always comes out of something bad... whether u realize it or not. |
| Friday, January 13th, 2006 |
| 12:48 pm |
strawberry shortcake
lol so i look like strawberry shortcake...opps on not getting quite the right color when my hair was dyed but it's something new and different and well it isn't the tiger stripes after all. i have three whole days off hell i would have been happy with two but three whole days! i am totally going to go see a movie and we are going to go out to dinner and sugar show pieces are over which is fabulous, i'll see about getting pictures eventually. oh and i lost my debit card...go me! but it's ok cause i left it somewhere that no one can get to it including me but i still have to wait a week to get a new one. we chalk one up to me being absentminded. |
| Friday, January 6th, 2006 |
| 12:14 pm |
uncohesive thoughts
i lost my camera which doesn't make sense cause i didn't take it anywhere, i skipped class today because my teacher for the week hates my guts, i fall asleep at least once at work everyday, i graduate in may and don't have any idea what i'm doing after that, i'm going to get my hair colored tomorrow but i don't know what color, i desperately need to go see the doctor for like four seperate things that i am just ignoring but probably should investigate eventually, my hair is extremely curly because i went to sleep with it wet last night, aaron is home and i really need to talk to him, i want my friends that understand me back, i want pool and ihop and late nights at my house where nina tucks me in, cruising through the city with nowhere to go except for at least past Tomas' house once, thugging it with the best of them, daddy's tacos; rice and fried chicken, walking around the mall with no purpose, full saturdays with two meals out and shopping with my mom, crappy cheap movies at ten because they are only two dollars and there is nothing else to do, six people crammed on my bed, basketball games on the big screen (Arizona and Duke hell yeah baby, god i hate dick vitale), the cheap chinese place on harrison; oregano's; gus balon's and the good egg for breakfast, board games, dying hair, late nights doing nothing but listening to music and playing mario and debra screaming at the virtual spider, ethnic music mixed with disney, falling asleep on cic's bed and linda's and steph's couch and kate's couch and aaron's bed....and who else knows where, car chases, steph's grandmother, bannannas, even yard sales,tuberculosis; boris and estephanie and the 3000 inside jokes that orginate with me and steph...and it could be tons longer....no one wants to read this as long as it is though. Current Mood:  lonelyCurrent Music: it's a fuji film moment cd by steph |
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